I'm Superfluous (thanks for asking)

Shame lies deep and heavy on my heart:
I am lonely.
Words I fear to tell you,
And words you will never ever understand.

You will never know what it is
To feel completely irrelevant, spare,
Superfluous,
Unwanted and unnoticed by anyone.

Not even hated,
Just unnoticed, under the radar
Of important things to consider;
I am barely even there.

I do not matter
(apparently)
Enough to be thought of
In my own right.

You can never know what this means
And will never see my shame,
Desperation, degragation,
Humiliation, ever present.

I am so very lonely.
And I want to matter.
That is all.

Salvation

Don't
Look at me
That way.

You know,

Look at me
With your eyes full
To the brim
With pity.

Don't look at me,
Like that.

Don't think of me
As a heartbroken lover -
Starcrossed, simple, stupid;
Naive and lost as a lamb.

Don't think of me
Like a leprosy-ridden begger,
Arms eternally outstretched,
Waiting for someone to notice and care.

Please.

Don't think
THAT
Of me.

Don't think of me
As a child of war.
Displaced and destitute,
Staring blankly out of a black and white photograph.

Think what you like.
Just please.
Don't think that.

Ode to the Sky Above

Whenst I observe the Sky above
And linger afore it turns to blue
My heart is filled to brim with love
In seeing thus the day born new.
The deepening colours, scarlet and amber
Spread across a canvas bare
And all these tones here seen up high
Make mind reflect on dying embers.
Softly appears, natures art, so fair
Clear white Clouds invade the Sky.
If all things ended, I would not care.
I see this Sky, and do remember
The brilliance of Nature's sigh.

When Sky adapts and fades to gray,
Still evermore I feel this love.
Forever I could gladly stay
And see thus turn to shades undreamed of.
With Sun and Clouds' own gentle kiss
Drifting upon this canvas of blue,
Joined for eternity in their migration.
Thy heart doth overflow with naked bliss,
Thy soul, whilst pondering this view,
Is overwhelmed with celestial elation.
Heaven's gates may not be true,
But if nothing else, you doth know this
Beauty true is Nature's ethereal creation.

A New Religion

Shopping is the new religion;
The mall, our church.

(Dear shoes, who art on the ground floor)

Instead of forgiveness, we beg for another sale;
Not charity, but more store credit;
Instead of enlightenment,
We pray for a new pair of patent leather slingbacks
with a kitten heel, only £74.99, today only.

(Harrods be thy name)

Instead of searching for enlightenment,
We live for ourselves,
Trying to make enough money
So that we can truly say, I am better than he is;
I have a bigger TV than him,
A faster car
More shoes.
We measure morality on what we can afford,
So that those with more are of course
Happier, prettier, better than others.

(Forgive us our debts)

People killed in the streets for a wallet,
A mobile phone, a diamond ring.
Wars rage on in the name of God,
For the sake of oil and land.

(Lead us into temptation)

Consumerism is our purpose.
Feed the world with oysters in garlic butter sauce with lemongrass,
Champagne on ice,
Raspberry chocolate torte with creme fraiche.
Dress the world in Yves Saint Laurent, Jimmy Choos,
And a coat made from a hundred mink.

(Deliver us our catalogue orders)

A world obsessed with things & appearances.
Shopping is the new religion,Inane jingles our hymns.
Take, eat: a stick of celery ensures we look our very best.
Take, drink: into oblivion until we cannot remember who we are,
And are finally content with ourselves.
Bow your head, and pray.

nothingness

Darkness.
Cover me up
And consume my being,
Wash over, make my soul as yours:
Complete.



(a cinquain, like a haiku, has a set syllabic structure: 2-4-6-8-2)

Dreams

I see you in my dreams.
Then, you love me once more.
I ache with longing and you hold me,
Whisper in my ear that you will never let go.
Then I wake, pillow moist,
With fresh tears welling in my eyes,
Spilling over in fountains.
In my dreams, you still love me,
And I never broke your heart.

What Doesn't Kill You

what doesnt kill you does not make you stronger
it breaks you, shrivels you down
into a shell of your former self
alive but dead inside.
it crushes whatever is good and twists it
into a fraction of what once was
until you submit
and admit that it is all for nothing.

what doesnt kill you, destroys you
you no longer see as you once have
all hope and expectation and faith
flicker and die until there is nothing
except cynicism and despair.
darkness overcomes
and you surrender to worthlessness
and admit that this is it.

what doesnt kill you, mutilates
you are no stronger or better than before
you merely possess a sense of anger
or contempt or that all is unjust
and you do not deserve
the life you have been forced to take.
it doesnt kill you;
but life departs, all the same.

Is it ok?

Is it ok that some days, most days, I want to die?
Is it ok that sometimes I just stay in bed and cry?
Is it ok that there are more than five people I would gladly kill?
Is it ok that I'm afraid one day, I will?

Is it ok to want to pull my nails from my finger tips?
Is it ok to scratch my arms and bite my lips?
Is it ok to tear my hair out from my head?
Is it ok to think I could be better off dead?

The Soul Thief

A flash in the dark.
Glimpse existence and dissect the universe in a second.
Then, only darkness: sheer, velvet darkness.
A sharp whine follows, the only sound, and then silence.

Flash.

Another moment of bright light strips the location of its shroud,
Leaving it naked in the cold air, still and beautiful and raw.
Shadows dance briefly before the glare disappears again, returning to the soundless dark.
It is complete.
It consumes everything.
The absolute darkness is eerie, something that should be familiar and is not.
That lingering whine fills the air again.
Then silence.

Bask in the atmosphere for a moment,
The cold, dark silence washing over like water, tumbling over skin and soul alike.
Pure. Complete. Cleansing.

Hopeless Love

Love is like taking a chance,
It is gambling everything,
All you've ever thought and felt and wanted.
It is failing to be the person you once were
Merely to please another.

To fall in love is to be broken,
And put back together
By someone who doesn't really understand.
Who never really knew what they had in front of them to begin with,
And sees a piece of clay.

To be in love is to give up all hope,
To forget everything.
Throw your hopes and dreams to the wind, and be free.
Chains of another kind await you,
The ones you dream of.

Love can be all of this.
But love... love can overcome,
And it can learn to accept you completely
Change is needed; but sacrifice is not.
Sacrifice your heart, not yourself.

Circus

How can so much beauty be just a show?
Because it is, you know. A show.
Nothing more than an overrated circus of people
Loving and being loved, hating and being hated,
Hurting and being hurt.
Round and round we dance, finding new ways
To manipulate the base instincts of others to suit ourselves.
Survival: that's all it is.
Survival of the uncaring and selfish.
Taking, taking, always snatching at what we want
With not a thought for consequence
Or the effect we have on others.

I trip, I stumble,
Like a teary-eyed clown in the center ring,
And others watch. They laugh.
They do not see the pain underneath the mask of stone I wear,
Painted with tears of happiness and a smile of hurt.
They take their pleasure from watching my pain,
Sure that they are better people, that they are immune to such misfortune.

Delusions of Adequacy

I stumblingly believe I am worthwhile
But know that I am not.
In the violent misgivings of hatred
I lie confused and broken -
Like a vase thrown in a heated rage -
Broken and forgotten and never again perfect.

I am the world to one:
All things dark and beautiful come from me.
Lacking the control I so desire,
Unable to stop the torrid rains from coming,
Always coming to wash away pain and hate and sin
The sin we are all guilty of.

I am the world. I am the truth.
I am the light. We are all borne of light,
And yet so many shelter in the comfort
That the darkness can bring.
Cover me in a shroud darkness and peace
Never let me go. I am not worthy.

Inner Desires

Monsterous rage,
Slithers of glass pricking into my heart,
Pushing deeper inside with each stuttered beat.
What is the source?
I am
I and all my evil thoughts of brutality,
The pain I could bring to others
And the pleasure such pain would bring.

I am nobody.
A mere drop of blood within the system,
Washing blissfully in and out between others,
Like me, floating.
I hate,
And this makes me more powerful than ever could be conceived:
The hate I hold to myself like a gun
Waiting to explode and destroy.

Destruction of the weak.
What is weak, is worth nothing.
It is nothing more than silver dust and ashes.
Freedom begs forgiveness
And love.
I hate and I love and I cry for this knowledge
The happiness I desire is so cripplingly near
And yet I never reach it.

(bliss)

a deadened heart
stretched smooth like a dark, crawling street.
warm hysteria fills me
halting here, i fall.
is tomorrow born of need?
morning is here.

morning, filled with hope,
and smothered by hate of the unknowing.
like a shell in the darkness,
it creeps toward daylight.
is today gone?
nothing is real.

twilight fading like a death,
moonlit rivers shine with blissful content.
a pale december sky
in the fading light.
is yesterday dead of fate?
darkness completes it

Eternity

You say you can see the future in my eyes;
In yours, I see eternity.
A Beautiful, endless eternity with you
Only you.
There is nothing else
Only your arms, your eyes, our souls
Flying together, hand in hand
In blissful peace.

You say you feel love in your heart for me;
In mine, I feel ecstasy.
My whole body bursts with emotion for you
Only you.
There is nothing else
All hurt, all pain, all of the past
Is nothing to us; we are one
And nothing else.

You say you would give up a life for me;
My life, I give to you.
For without you, I have no life:
Only you -
There is no one else -
Make me complete, loving, loved.
Without your love, I am a shell.
I am yours.

Love You To Death

I've told you I love you, she says to her prey,
And now I will prove it, we'll do it my way.
Don't you be scared, now: it won't do no good,
Just try to be quiet, as all victims should.

She picks up the eye mask, and covers his eyes,
She then takes the handcuffs, and with them she tries
To stop him from moving, at which she succeeds,
Before screaming at him, get down on your knees.

At which, he obeys her, and drops to the floor,
She leaves for a second, to lock up the door.
He listens out for her, and soon she is back
He hears her approaching, and then feels a SMACK!

The pain of her hand's palm is fresh on his face,
The room swims around him: God, where is this place?!
He gets to his feet and falls onto the bed,
The broomstick's hard handle connects with his head.

Babe, what are you doing? he asks in a daze,
You're acting insane, now: you've got in a craze.
This isn't the way that a bird shows her love.
He tries to sit up but she gives him a shove.

Sit down, or I'll kill you! she screams to the man,
She grabs up his throat and squeezes with her hands
You're not going to lie, now; you'll tell me the truth,
I'd just like to ask you... so, babe: who is Ruth?

I told you I'd listen, so what do you say?
Why are you so silent? For this, you will pay...
I will make you suffer: you've treated me bad,
I told you, 'Be faithful', and now I am mad...

She throws his weak body back onto the floor,
She picks up the broomstick: he makes for the door,
He's starting to sob, now: she's beaten him good,
He'll plead for forgiveness, like all lovers should.

Down comes the broomstick! right onto his back,
Connects with his shoulder, producing a CRACK!
He's screams, what'you doing? I've done nothing wrong!
You know that I love you! Remember our song...?

Oh, shut up, you liar! she hurls back at him,
I looked in your wallet! she pulls at his limbs.
Don't act like you're sorry, I know that you're not.
So, what's it about her that I haven't got??

You've got it all wrong! I love you: it's true!
Why don't you believe me? You know that it's you
That I love: no one else could ever compare!
A love like I'm feeling is so very rare!

I cannot believe you! she cried at the beast,
I cannot forgive you, but know this at least:
I'll never stop loving, I'll never not care.
You know that forever I'd always be there.

But now that betrayal has ruined it all,
You do have to die, now: I'm sorry, dear Paul.
She bends down, and reaches far under the bed,
And brings out a wood-axe, it has to be said

The axe is a big one, and in her love's eyes,
The girl sees a fear so intense that she cries.
But, no time to forgive and no time to forget,
She raises the axe up: her gaze is dead set.

He screams out in shock and surprise, and then pain:
She brings the blade downwards again and again.
Crimsony splashes of firey red,
Fly all around her, and then... he is dead.

One hour goes by, and still she stands there,
With a firey red in her firey hair.
And she looks at the form of her only true love.
The one who she’s murdered, in now freezing blood.

And later, a ‘phone call from someone for Paul,
The young lady asks her, is he in at all?
It’s only his sister, she swears that’s the truth,
She asks for a name: the reply? It is Ruth.

Dedicated to the One I Loved (revised)

You know, she said softly, that we used to be close,
And you know just how close that we've been.
Well, honey, it's over: you know that, I'm sure,
But you don't know how mad I can seem.

I'm going to kill you, and that much is true,
But how I shall do it is moot.
She opens her bag and produces an gun,
She levels the rifle to shoot.

BANG! She shouts at him, cringing away,
And laughs at his crumpling face,
As if I would shoot you! She smiles at the thought,
No, yours is a far worser fate.

What else have we got? She raises her brows,
And she turns to the bag with a twirl,
He's starting to whimper, but this is all right,
She wants him to cry like girl.

So, anyway, back to our vibrant girl,
And pathetic excuse for a boy,
He's crying like children do, hungry or wet,
And she's laughing like he is her toy.

He begs for his life to her, down on his knees,
And she kicks him square, right in the balls,
And, just as expected, he howls out in pain,
And grabbing his 'treasure' he falls.

Back to her bag as it sits on the bed,
She reaches inside it and grips
A long, shiny knife, and it's covered in blood,
From her wrist and her hand to the tips.

He's laid out on the cold hard floor;
She's holding out the knife,
She smiles a smile as black as night,
A smile as cold as ice.

I hate you now, you know, she says,
And so, you'll dearly pay,
For all the things you did to me,
But mostly for the way

You never really loved me, she snarls,
Not even at the start,
You preyed upon my love for you,
And then you broke my heart.

And as she says this piece, he cries,
He knows he won't be missed.
She wipes some tears from stinging eyes,
But hers are tears of bliss.

The Emaciated Corpse

I am the emaciated corpse of
Something beautiful, something alive.
Nothing worthwhile remains, only pain
And only hatred.

Void of the inhumane qualities we so desire:
Compassion, hope, faith.
Love.
I cannot love, and yet I am enlightened.
Enlightened by the tragedy
And truth of it all.

I am the decapitated corpse of
Something real, something enlightened.
Something dead. Nothing remains of me.
I am a decaying corpse. I am enlightened.
I am not there.

Do Not Stand and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the darkened sky at night,
That hides pure evil from the light.

I am the discarded match you throw,
That smolders while you sleep, and grows.

I am the storm that scares your child,
The lightning, thunder, winds so wild.

I am the ghost that haunts your soul,
That takes your life, your joys, your goals.

I am the fear that grips your will,
That causes lonely teens to kill.

I am a hell that does not cease,
The hell that hurts: there's no release.

I am your heartache, pure and true,
I take the feeling out of you.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I shall not die.

Pain

When you feel pain, how does it feel to you?
Does your heart ache with longing,
With hatred, with sorrow?
Does your heart fill with overwhelming grief,
With a sense that it was not meant to be,
With a fear that it never will?

Or, does your heart fill with rage?
Does the pain cut through you as a knife would,
As it sliced up your pitiless body
With its catatonic soul?
Have you realised that you were not meant to be,
And is that your pain?

Nothing is meant to be.

The Black Rose

If life was a garden,
Love would be a flower,
The flower that dominates the soils,
That makes onlookers stop and stare and wonder.

"Love is like a red red rose"
So bright, so new
And full of life's hope.
When nothing is impossible and all is dreamed of.

The black rose,
Is the harsh reality
The way life really is,
As crumpled and crushed as young love's dream.

If told to pick a flower
I'd pick a rose that was dead
Not for want, but for chance
For true love never blooms in my garden.

Is it better to have a black rose
Or no rose at all?
For a garden without flowers
Is nothing, like life without love.

I am Afraid

I used to be afraid because I didn't have companions.
I used to be afraid because I didn't fit in.
I used to be afraid because I couldn't see tomorrow.
I used to be afraid because I wasn't beautiful.
Never enough for you.

I'm afraid that I'm losing my soul mates.
I'm afraid that I'm fading into conformity.
I'm afraid that I won't be here tomorrow.
I'm afraid because no-one sees my beauty.
Least of all, you.

I'm afraid that I'll never be loved.
I'm afraid that I'm not going anywhere.
I'm afraid that tomorrow I'll be nothing.
I'm afraid that I'll never be beautiful.
I never was, to you.

Ode to Misery

Thou dark and richly shadow of hate,
Thou spiral of disorder and base chaos,
Wouldst thou bloom in night so late
And drape the land in a cloth of pathos?
Whilst in the land so deep and true,
The Night so total, so dark and so black,
Beyond the scope of wishful dreams
Thy heart is filled with a sadness new
And all the love thy mind doth lack:
For nothing is as nothing seems.
In mind's corner, a crumpled sack,
A starved reflection of the moon in blue,
Hope's death refreshing, in slanted beams.

In unseen worlds that have long toiled
For a glimpse of the greatness love brings,
Thou hast never seen that beauty spoiled,
And never shall you see hate rip the seams.
There be evil in this world, and that which follows
Though never more shall I be a part
Of the darkness that so oft kills smiles
And though I may suffer so many deep sorrows
I shall never lose my soul or heart
For this world is not worth my trials
And trivulations, And whilst apart
There is no greater thing than keeping thy morals
In a world full of evil guiles.

Do you ever?

Do You Ever…?

Do you ever feel like you weren't meant to be?
That your friends cannot see,
That you're meant to be free?

Do you ever cry cause you can't stand the pain?
Cause your life is the same?
Cause you can't find a vein?

Do you ever cut cause you yearn for some peace?
The pain doesn't cease,
And you dream of release?

Have you ever seen someone overflow hate?
Like its a God-given trait?
And you sense its too late?

The Tragedy of Life

Beauty abandons me,
In favour of a dark and forboding self,
One so twisted and ugly
It cannot be looked upon by human flesh.

Pain - fresh and raw,
Stinging as salt does in a self-inflicted wound,
Sadistic and completely necessary -
Washes over me
In an awesome wave of realisation and truth.

I feel strangely elated,
And yet I have hit rock bottom
With a fantastic force greater than all things of this cruel
And somehow victorious earth,
And I crawl on my stomach.

I sob and weep at the satire,
The natural ease with which the body degenerates
Before the soul can even begin to appreciate
The pain and fear and simple terror I feel,
To be alone and lonely in the world again.

How paradoxial, to be free
And yet feel so incredibly trapped!
How ironic, that freedom should be granted
Just as I no longer desire it!
And how typical that my Maker could be the breaker
Of my spirit, love and hope.

How tragic life is.

Without You

What is life without love?
What is love without you?
Without you, there's no life.
Without love, there's no truth.

Without you, there's no sun,
There's no night, there's no moon.
In my life, there is nothing,
Only nothing, without you.

Without you, there's no stars,
Only sky, blank and blue.
Clear from cloud, star and sun.
Sky is nothing without you.

Without you, there's no grass,
Only ground, harsh and bare.
Like my heart, void of loving.
Without you, nothing's there.

"Without you, without you"
Empty words that I sigh.
Empty soul, empty heart,
Empty tears that I cry.

"Without you, without you"
As I mourn from the pain,
Ancient words fly around me:
"Why can't life stay the same?"

There seems to be nothing,
Only nothing without you.
All I have are lost feelings
Of my time spent with you.

In days where my loving
Was pure, simple, true.
But now, I feel nothing.
There is nothing; only you.

Without You, I am Nothing

There are few words to describe
Such an intense feeling of loss.
Love so primitive and yet so complex
Is rarely felt.
Blood is no connection,
And yet you are of my flesh,
Of my soul.
A part that is so irreplacable,
To try is an insult.
To recall such unmoving memories
Of joy that we spent is a sadistic;
There is no pleasure, without the pain.
Without you, I am nothing,
Merely a fragment of my former self,
Shriveled and contorted and broken.

Without you, I am nothing,
And yet, I am everything
That you have made me:
Everything that you have taught me -
To learn, to live, to love -
Is within me, and whilst I die
Still I live on,
Incomplete but still very much alive
With your breath, life and soul.
Without you, I am nothing.
With you, and only you, I am complete.

Last Thoughts of a Mad Man

The answer comes in many ways, he pondered to the sky,
But which way is the one for you? he heard the voices sigh.
And first, would it not be a buzz to see the children die?
The one's who made your life a hell, the ones who made you cry.
They blank you when you try to talk, they kick you when you're down,
They turn their backs and walk away, they do not see your frown.
But even if they saw you sad, d'you think they'd give a piss?
They'd never shed a tear for you, they'd never greatly miss
Your gleaming personality, and all that you could be
They'd laugh and cheer, but never cry; your only friend is me.
I am the one that you can trust, I am your only hope
I'll give you all the help you need, I'll help your mind to cope.
It isn't fair, it isn't right, he answered back the voice.
But even if I wasn't mad, I'd never have a choice.
I cannot stop the way I feel, it takes me over good.
But do they know not what they do, just as it's said they should?

You know that saying's just a lie, you know it isn't true,
So why pretend so to your heart, as if they didn't do
All those painful things to you, say all those wicked names?
You know they meant to hurt you bad, to ban you from their games.
I know that what you say is true, but do I have the brain
To get revenge, the sweetest dish? They say that I'm insane.
I've not the creativity, to think of such a plot,
That said, it needs insanity, the one thing I have got.
Don't worry 'bout the details, child: I'm all you'll ever need.
I'll think of all the painful acts, of all the painful deeds.
Just listen to the words I say, and it'll be just fine.
I'll think of all the things we'll need, and when it comes the time
To kill the bitch and bastard kids, the ones you've grown to hate,
I'll hold your hand to give you strength, I'll tell you “you are great”.
Just leave the planning up to me, and we can be so good.
You know that what I say makes sense, and if I only could

Make them feel as bad as you, right just before they die,
You know I'd do so in a flash, you know that we can try...
So, make them suffer for their sin! and wipe their wicked grins
Right from their tortured faces, too: you're not the one who sins.
I'll do it, he replies the voice, but first I need some room.
No! do it now! it shouted back, you’ve got to do it soon!
Go, buy a gun! Go, buy a knife! Go buy a baseball bat,
Go, buy a fucking chainsaw, too. And when you’ve done all that,
Just wander by the college gates, go wander past your school,
And wait ‘til they’re inside the doors, wait just until it’s cool,
You’ll work out what to do from then; I think you’ll do just find.
Now, follow what I say to you; you know your soul is mine!

And with this piece the voice gives leave to silence, loud and clear.
The boy sits back; he can relax. He’s shaking from the fear.
He doesn’t want to harm his friends, but does he have a choice?
There’s nothing more persuasive than your older brother’s voice.

A Poem About My Love, For You

This is a poem about my love for you.

You can't touch it, or see it,
But it's there just the same,
Always growing, always blooming.
Just when I think that I couldn't be happierI am.
I love you more every second,
Every minute, every day I am with you.
You're all I ever think about,
You are all I've ever wanted.
From the second I wake up to the sun -
Beams of heavenly light criss-crossing my face -
To the second I rest my head on my pillow,
Vibrant, glowing moon shining down at me from the sky,
You are on my mind. You never leave me.

The sky makes me think of you,
Be it the care-free clouds of the sun
Or the mysterious stars of the pitch black night.
The sky, with all it's wonders, all it's secrets,
All it's beauty reminds me of you.
Like you, the dark sky brings me peace;
The day sky, a content bliss.
I cannot begin to describe it.
Knowing you - loving you - is my life.
You are my life. You are my only.

This is a poem about my love, for you.

Love Song of a Drug Addict

My heart explodes when you are near,
And from my eyes crash floods of tears,
But when you stand so close to me,
I lose my mind, like LSD.

You make me know you're what I need,
You make me high, like smoking Weed,
You make me drunk, on Ecstasy,
I know you are The One for me.

And how your smile lights up your eyes,
Your perfect soul, it makes me cry.
I cannot stand not having you,
Like Alcohol, you leave me blue.

Because of you, my worries die,
I send my soul up to the skies,
As long as druggies 'popped their pills',
I have loved you: I always will.

Just like a joint of Golden Brown,
You never seem to make me frown.
You are my dose of purest Speed,
My Magic 'Shroom, my Acid/Weed.

The setting sun, the blowing wind,
Inject yourself with heroine,
And let the poison take control,
We once were half; we now are whole.

Snort up a dose of Cocaine Crack,
No closing eyes, not turning back,
You and I, these poisons kill,
But I love you, and always will.

My pain and death, it matters not,
For hopes and dreams I've always got,
And in my dreams, and in my heart,
We never shall be torn apart.

Until I Met You

Distance had never been a problem,
Until I met you.
Talking had never been fulfilling,
Until I knew you.
Friendship had never been contentment,
Until I missed you.
Loving had never been forbidden,
Until I loved you.

Praying had never been a ritual,
Until I prayed for you.
Wishing had never been a pleasure,
Until I wished for you.
Touching had never been longed for,
Until I longed for you.
Embracing had never been dreamed of
How I dreamed for you.

Distance has never been a virtue,
And now I've met you.
But distance is a now a blessing,
Because I've met you.
Loving is not allowed now,
Because I love you.
And wishing is all I do now,
I'm wishing for you.

Until it Bleeds

The pain inside her throbs and grows:
A pulsing, beating heart.
Her life is seeming like a cell,
Her mind just falls apart.

A burning flame of hate appears
And smoulders in her heart.
With welling eyes, her hope just dies;
Her life just fell apart.

Laying in her room, alone,
She fears her love is dead.
With stinging eyes, she cries and cries,
Her heart is filled with dread.

For, somewhere deep inside her mind,
She knows just what to do.
With guilty eyes, she barely tries
To think, "This isn't you."

Release from all the pain inside
Is what she really needs.
With lowered eyes, she's not surprised
To feel a need to bleed.

She takes a knife into her hand
And wonders at the blade.
With shaking hands, she understands
This is the way she's made.

She wonders at the power of
The object in her clasp.
With nervous hands, she starts to plan
Just how the cuts should scar.

Decided on a way to show
The world she can't fit in,
With steady blade, she's not afraid
To carve into her skin.

She cutting part is easy;
The stopping isn't so.
With frenzied hand, no longer plan:
The skin no longer shows.

The knife is slipping in her hand
At every single slash.
With searching eyes, she looks and spies
Where skin is not a gash.

Her skin a mess of slices,
Her lap a sea of red,
With dying life, she drops the knife
And wishes she were dead.

For, whilst the pain is banished from
Her being for the day:
The hate attack, it will be back
And so, her need to flay.

Once all the blood is cleaned away,
She glances down and blinks,
On arm she cut, just one word, "Slut".
For this is how she thinks.

Death is not the End

There is no dignity in life,
Only in death.
In life we are humiliated,
We are accused, we are hurt.

Always, we are hurt.

Knocked down with the manipulations,
The whims, the hatred of others.
Of ourselves.

I am a victim of hatred, of whim,
Of manipulation.
We all are,
And that is why life has no dignity.
Death has dignity; in death
We can be remembered for what we made ourselves
And not what others made us to be.

Death is dignity,
The final dignity of our lives.

In death, our true colour is released,
Whether black or white or deadening grey.
And we will be noticed, and we will be remembered,
Or else we will be blissfully forgotten -
Gone and so forgotten,
Like so many deepening sunrises
Bleeding across a painless sky.

We will be remembered, or else forgotten.
But where ever we lie, there will be dignity
As never seen in life.

For, there is no dignity in living.